The Best Quotes from 2011-12

July 5, 2012 in Features, Funny Stuff

With Spain winning Euro 2012, I think we can safely say that the football season is finally over. Manchester City paid over the odds to buy the Premier League title, while Montpellier managed to find the French equivalent in the bargain basket. Dortmund proved that winning their first title was not a fluke by claiming a famous domestic double, and AC Milan were left scratching their heads after Andrea Pirlo, a player they released, helped to clinch the Serie A title for rivals, Juventus. Oh, and not to mention that Jose Mourinho finally managed to end the Barcelona stranglehold by leading Madrid to the La Liga title.

So, with that said – shall we remind ourselves of some of the things that have been said by people within the world of football over the last 11 months?

‘Four years is an eternity as Barca coach. I have given everything and I have nothing left and need to recharge my batteries.’

Pep Guardiola explains why he is no match for the Duracell Bunny

‘He plays football like he’s being controlled by a 10-year-old on a PlayStation.’

Gary Neville doing his best to describe Chelsea’s David Luiz

‘English managers don’t get a chance at the top. Years ago, the Chelsea job would have gone to someone like David Moyes.’

Jamie Carragher is yet to notice David Moyes’ Scottish accent

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“We’ve won 10 out of 11. You can’t do any better than that.”

Harry Redknapp proves he is a master mathematician

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“Paul Scholes made 75 passes in the first half, completing 93 of them, which is 97%.”

Alan Brazil was obviously in the same maths lesson as Harry Redknapp

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‘The interesting thing about Nani is that he has two feet.’

Genius Ray Wilkins makes another very astute observation

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‘He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.’

Ian Holloway compares Cristiano Ronaldo to a domesticated marsupial

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‘It seems Pele took the wrong medication. Instead of taking his night pill, he took the morning pill. He got confused and didn’t know what he was talking about. I suggest next time he take the right pills before making any suggestions and that he should change his doctor.’

Diego Maradona has worked out why Pele believes that Neymar is a better player than Lionel Messi

‘The trouble with the transfer window is it creates a window where transfers have to be done.’

Gary Neville spots a major flaw in the transfer window

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‘Darren Bent could have doubled the lead, which I’m sure would have made a difference to the scoreline.’

Nothing gets past Stan Collymore

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‘Montpellier champions of France? If I was Marseille, Paris, Lyon, Lille or Rennes, I’d stab myself in the arse with a sausage! What an embarrassment it would be for them.’

Louis Nicollin, president of Montpellier showing his rivals that he is a man of the highest class

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‘There was nothing wrong with his timing; he was just a bit late.’

It seems that Mark Bright will not be the new face of Rolex

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‘Football is like chess, only without the dice.’

Lukas Podolski has been playing a very different version of chess

‘In the first half, I didn’t see the second half coming.’

Mick McCarthy, the pessimist

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‘He ran the show in Rome, but came over to Liverpool and was like a fish up a tree.’

Paul Merson describing Alberto Aquilani in a way that only he could

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‘Andy Carroll is the best I’ve ever seen in the air!’

Kevin Keegan hasn’t heard of Superman

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‘Sepp Blatter and all of them lot. Mr Platini; I know he was a good player but he ain’t very good at what he does, I don’t think. I think he’s useless and you can quote me on that.’

Thanks Ian Holloway, might just quote you on that

– 

‘I’ve just watched the replay and there is absolutely no doubt – it’s inconclusive.’

Garth Crooks clears things up for everyone

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‘Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting.’

Alan Pardew asking maybe a bit too much from his winger

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‘When I score, I don’t celebrate because it’s my job. When a postman delivers letters, does he celebrate?’

Mario Balotelli questions how passionate Royal Mail’s employees are

Bring on 2012/2013!

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